Ted

Fuck that guy. If I could choose anyone that I definitely don't want to be, it would be Ted. A selection of reasons why it would suck to be Ted:

-He's a cunt. Seriously.
-He's gay as hell. One time I fell asleep in the lounge and he apparently sat next to me and played with my hair while I was out. What the fuck.
-General douchiness. Needs no further explaination.

For these reasons and many others, it is abundantly clear that Ted is someone I am most certainly glad not to be.